Dear Precious Beings,

It is the end of July, Lughnasagh, Celtic festival of Lugh the Sun God, a time for celebrating the harvest, a time for dancing and playing, giving thanks, sharing and preparing for rest and retreat.

The cycles of the agricultural calendar remind me of the cycles of life, birth to death, and the cycles of day and night the journey from light to darkness.

In this moment, this reality, I am reminded it is all linked. I asked myself yesterday in a time of doubt, fear, overwhelm and insecurity “what is this all about, why am I involved in setting up this college”, I was unable then to connect with an answer and I was not present to the people I met or to myself, I was a bit lost, it was one of those days.

The 12 Step Programme of AA has a slogan that reminds us that “this too shall pass” and so it did. Time to reflect this morning has brought me awareness that “it’s all linked, it’s all connected”. I have a sense that me current life, my current life tasks, my spiritual evolution is linked and connected on many levels. There are many layers in this tapestry which is my life today. I am challenged to “live out” or should I say “live in” the practices I have learned, teach, and talk about. I am being asked to live well.

The college is my “baby” and in its stage of development it needs encouragement, support, nurturance, protection, guidance, attention, affirmation and loving stroking. This thought takes me to my close relationships which are requiring similar attention, and this of course leads me back to myself. I am reminded once again that if we don’t take care of ourselves we are unable to fully give to another. I need to encourage, support, nurture, protect, guide, attend, affirm and stroke the self who is struggling and swinging between fear and uncertainty and trust and security. It is all linked, I am being asked to live well in all aspects of my life.

This is no small task, to eat simply, exercise my body, look after this flesh and treat it with respect and loving kindness. Responsible spending has not been my strength so far. It is difficult to be honest in my intimate and working relationships and above all to be honest with myself and not play games. Having a balance in my work life and maintaining boundaries around the time and effort spent physically, emotionally and mentally on the starting of a college is a big challenge. Leaving my diary in the office on Friday evening and allowing phone calls to go to the message minder after work hours frees me to be with others in my life. I am tested as I manage my time, energy, and stress levels especially in areas that I am not competent in or situations that are new to me. Having more or less worked for myself all my life, it is a new opportunity to now work as part of a team and within a system. “Breathe” I remind myself as I support myself internally in these unfamiliar situations.

My inner judge and critic have reappeared these last few days, as I sit in this in between time. The holiday period is here and I wait patiently for when adult learners begin to think and dream of further exploration and self discovery, of personal and professional development. In this in between time, this financial limbo, I squirm in uncomfortable financial scarcity, while another part of me knows that this is ok, there is a time for sparseness and a time for abundance. I dream at night of generous benefactors who bring gold, frankincense and myrrh. The morning brings sharp reality and stress. I also believe that miracles happen, and why not to me also. The cycle continues.

I must not forget the gifts I am receiving. Gifts of friendship, encouragement, support, reassurance, a lamp, pictures, books, artwork, a plant, an office desk, a couch, helping hands to clean, vacuum, carry furniture, paint walls, fix a press, hang a picture. Little people have played in the building, leaving the sound and echo of laughter and games, and their energy of trust, beauty, wonder, curiosity, and innocence.

It is Saturday and on Tuesday morning after the long week end I will commence my work officially and the college will open its doors to the public. I will fill the rooms with incense and music, and bless all who will enter through its doors. I bless myself and ask the Source for a healthy body, mind and spirit. I ask for the strength to say and do what is unavoidable, I ask for the ability to make fair decisions that are for the good of all of us, for the courage to embrace change and show leadership. I pray for authenticity in my relating and communicating, for a joyful heart that is compassionate and generous. Above all I ask for the wisdom to accept the human frailties of imperfection, limitations and vulnerability my own and others, and also to remember our human potential for grace and greatness.

What a journey.

Christine.